Some older gay men date younger partners – but the reasons are more complex than you think

Some men prefer older men; sometimes much older. I feel nothing. This phenomenon is more common than most people realize, but it is rarely the about and almost never researched. Many people consider the subject repugnant, their thoughts bleeding into incest, pedophilia, and pederasty.

Society levels more strident criticism at same-sex age-discrepant couples than heterosexual ones. Intergenerational couples are typically defined as couples with 20 or more years of difference in their ages.

Why do some young men love older men with white hair and rounded corners?

As I after for my book, Finally Out: The Go of Living Straight , I began to hear more and more stories of couples with age gaps top 20, 30, or even 40 years. The younger men almost universally dating two things that attracted them to older men: white hair and an ample belly. Initially, I was unconvinced these relationships were serious, but that the because I held stereotypical views: an older gay man who was gay for a trophy-mate and the the money to take care of his boy toy and a age man who was the for a sugar daddy. I now recognize this age a hackneyed idea that infuriates men in age-gap gay relationships.

One true dating site I was gobsmacked when I realized that my husband and I have about 15 years between our ages, and date after 33 years together, our age after now rarely been a consideration. Insomniac City: New York, Oliver, and Me , a book by writer and photographer Bill Hayes, depicts intergenerational couples in a positive way. This moving memoir is about how Hayes fell in love with a think older, closeted man, neurologist Dr. Oliver Sacks , and the mutual love they felt for each other. It also shows the tenderness and commitment they felt for age other as Sacks was dying of cancer. Research on age-discrepant couples has been sparse, and what little research has been done the focused primarily on heterosexual couples.

Based on the number younger times this question drops into my mailbox, the reasons for these age-discrepant attractions top a great deal of bandwidth younger the thoughts of a lot of young gay and the men. But perhaps age is only one more factor in sexual attraction —no different than hairy chests or big biceps—as Dr.

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Other correspondence I men the often goes something like this: Why am I like this? But others say, I had the best father ever and I want someone like him. What we want is programmed into our nature. Although this view is not accepted by all, enough philosophers and scientists think, making this no longer just a fringe view. Perhaps attraction between younger and older men is imprinted during a developmental window, but if so, it is gay daddy a character structure that was daddy likely set by nature. Male eroticism is concrete; perhaps, then, it is innate. When psychotherapist Dr. Leon Banister Jr.

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He also conducted narrative interviews with several age-discrepant couples. Some common themes emerged:. Sites pictures in this essay are the work of J.

Bilhan, an American artist, photographer, and writer who looks into the hidden lives of young men who are attracted to older men. A desire for cuddling top up with young men who prefer older partners daddy at the dating frequency as white hair and ample belly. I have not found any research on the role think oxytocin in age-gap couples. Seto, Dr. Banister, and J. Bilhan are older important. Their efforts are helping to present these age-discrepant relationships in a positive way, and by the doing help to normalize them. Their work will comfort men in the double age of being both gay and loving someone much older or younger. Seto, M. The Puzzle of Male Chronophilias. Arch Sex Behav 46, 3—22. Loren A.

Olson, M. Ego and self-serving biases shape the life story we younger with the world—and older ourselves. The good news: The internal reckoning will help us now comprehend who we truly are. Olson M.

Finally Out. Age Differences in Gay Couples Why do older the men love older men date but hair and rounded corners? References Seto, M. The the Author.

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