Five Mistakes Parents Make with Bullying
Parents never want to see their children harmed. Bullying can make them do things without thinking and make the situation worse. The problem is that parents may not even realize they are making these mistakes. By doing so, they can make the problem worse and even create lifelong patterns in their children. These patterns can be devastating whether your child is the bully or the person being bullied. Here are five mistakes that are commonly made by parents where bullies are concerned:
1. The worst mistake a parent can make with bullying is to create a bully by their own behavior. Children behave in ways that will generally get them attention. If you act like a bully, they will follow suit with others smaller than them. By doing it, you are telling them that you accept that behavior and it is okay for them to as well. You may not even realize you present bully behavior. Do you intimidate people to get things done the way you want them to? Do you call names in jest? These are some of the common signs of a bully. Consider your own behavior if your child is bullying others.
2. Whether you want to or not, you can’t ignore the fact that your child gets bullied. If you do, your child might downplay it until something serious happens. They will also lose trust in you and faith in themselves. Most of the time, children start to convince themselves that the bully must be right if even his or her own parents can ignore the issue. They begin to feel worthless and possibly even suicidal. Ignoring the situation is the absolute worst thing you can do.
3. Sometimes going to the people in charge isn’t the best option either. If the bully finds out that the child got his or her parents involved, the situation may escalate. This is especially true if there are never any actual consequences for the bullying. Parental involvement without consequences often leads to more intense bullying. Now the bully just has another topic to use. If you do get involved, be sure that the authorities in question are discrete and have an actual plan to stop the behavior.
4. Many parents resort to the “toughen up” method. That’s a great way to make your child feel as if he or she is weak in your eyes. This leads to a drop in self esteem and poor self treatment in children. No kid is “weak” simply because they are being bullied and won’t fight back. They are simply not equipped with the right social skills to deal with such a problem. You have to remember that your children don’t have the social skills that you have mastered over the years. Begin teaching them those skills and never judge them.
5. Know the difference between bullying and simple social situations. Your child may not be experiencing bullying at all. If you jump to the rescue every time there is some sort of problem, your child will never know that this is just a normal social situation. Verify what is going on and don’t allow your child to play on your parenting instincts every time they don’t get their way. This can lead to reverse bullying and will cripple your child for the long term. Most childhood arguments are filed in this category. Always listen carefully and look for signs of bullying, but don’t jump the gun either.
You can avoid these five mistakes parents make with bullying by doing your best to help your child develop a healthy self-esteem to begin with. Bullies often prey on those who are already timid. Help your child to be strong and to believe in themselves so that this is never an issue.
We haven’t had to deal with this yet, but my kids are getting to the age where it might come up soon. Great advice. Thank you!
I was bullied before it was even called bullying and my parents totally blew it off. I turned out ok.
This is post is so very useful, thank you so much for sharing 🙂
I had to remove my kids from school because of bullying. I took 2 out because of it and the other 2 because nothing was done and I was not feeling safe and comfortable sending them. It’s ridiculous how things are anymore. Ignoring isn’t an option!
This is great advice. I think being aware of your children’s behaviors outside of school can help a lot. Bullying is such a difficult situation to handle.
It can be very hard when your kid is being bullied. You want to fix it yourself but sometimes that makes things worse. It’s hard to know when to step in.
Those are definitely great tips! Thanks for sharing.
Thankfully, all my son has needed to do was go to the teacher to quash the bullying in his life.
I agree with you, there are differences. My son has been verbally bullied and this year was physically bullied. As a parent it is so hard to see your child go through this but we must be there advocate.
Bullying isn’t fun. I was a victim, but I think we are going overboard with the bullying conversations. I think it’s more important to teach your kids how to handle situations.
This is some great advice. It is always hard to know whether to seek help or not from “authorities” because sometimes that can you make it worse for the child. Teaching your kids how to handle situations and to be independent is really the way to go. They can only control what they do, not what others do.
This is a very good post and useful for parents. Thanks for sharing
I think the most important thing it to let you child know that you believe them and that you have their back. Some bullying is extreme and it breaks my heart what some people have to endure.
It seems like bullying is everywhere these days. Sadly though I find a lot of it comes from adults & the children involved just mimic the example.
You nailed it with this post. You are right about kids mimicking their parents behavior. I’ve known my fair share of adult bullies. Also, as a parent of the child being bullied it’s so hard to know when and how to intervene.
Those are great enlightening ideas. You need to know the difference between bullying and teasing
Whenever I hear stories of bullying it breaks my heart. I hate to hear that anyone is a victim of teasing or being bullied.
So sad. Bullying is so awful and it seems to get worse even with all the awareness we have.
I never thought about the toughen up mode actually making a child feel weak. I remember someone biting me in school and my mom telling me to bite back. I was mortified because I knew I’d get my rear end kicked if I tried, and of course I didn’t want to try anyway, lol. So that does make sense.
These are really great things to remember! My daughter is in Kindergarten and hasn’t been in a situation yet with bullies, but I know its coming.
This is such a touchy situation. You want to get involved with the bully and figure out what wrong with them but you don’t want to contact them because your child may get bullied more.
While I do think many parents have the helicopter mentality that never allows their child to experience ANYTHING negative, and that’s unrealistic, I also agree that you need to be aware of your child’s experiences so you know when it is important to step in.
I agree that turning your own child into a bully in response to being bullied is not the answer. It’s important to teach your child other coping skills.