Parenting Against Your Partner
Feeling lost on this one lately? Now that my son is entering full fledged toodler-hood we’ve had a battle or two about how to parent our son. We talked about this sort of stuff while he was still little and how we’d handle it, however when you’re faced with the challenge in your face we don’t always stick to our guns. I know even the best parent relationships that still have trouble agreeing on how to parent their children.
Whenever you and your partner disagree about how to handle a situation (good or bad) NEVER discuss it in front of your child. We often times forget how much our children pick up on. Do your absolute best to let your partner handle the situation even if you disagree with it, let them complete the task, THEN handle it later with your partner. If you try to talk over your partner you give your children permission to do the same thing. If you try to argue with your partner, your children see that and will learn to put you and your partner in these binds in more possible situations. It will show your child which parent is the softer parent. Don’t parent on top of your other partner. If they’ve started to discipline do not walk in and try to take over. This too will create mixed signals to the child. I remember growing up as a kid and I knew that if we wanted something that we should ask mom. My mom was more willing to say yes than my dad.. we learned that one very very young. When there is a disagreement, try to deal with the situation with the child as best you both can agree and then handle the discussion between you and your partner in private.
Get on the same page. As children grow up their boundaries need to be ‘changed’. Set some time aside that you and your partner can discuss these things before they become an issue so you and your family can move on as smoothly as possible when the situations arise and you won’t have to question what your partner said in case they are the ones dealing with a problem.
It’s never to late to have parenting checks. Even if your family is separated, it’s even more important that you and your ex be on the same page. For the kids sake it is important that they have as similar as possible parenting types in both homes. It will make the transition between mom and dad’s houses easier on everyone, I PROMISE. Often times, this is absolutely easier said than done, but for the sake of your children do your best to make it work. If you don’t agree with something your partner says, talk about it. Re-visit the situation if needed at a later day to get a fresh take on it. Try your best to respect your partners parenting and understand why they might feel differently about how to handle situations. The worst thing you can do for your children, separated family or not, is have two totally different parenting styles. It will just send your kids mixed signals and create mass chaos, this, I know!
