My husband recently received a vasectomy. I wouldn’t say we weren’t on the same page about it… but we weren’t on the same page. My husband and I have two beautiful children a boy and a girl. You might often hear me talk about them. We couldn’t be happier with them and we got the perfect view of the “American Family”. We always said we wanted two kids, naturally a boy and a girl and we got it… so what’s my problem? I’m the one who has to carry the pregnancies, I’m the one who has to gain weight and gain stretch marks, I’m the one who has to go through HOURS of delivery (40 hours with my son, 23 with my daughter). My pregnancies are stressful, I’ve developed pre-eclampsia in both of my pregnancies (which is a very serious blood pressure related condition resulting in immediate delivery of my children); I have a heart condition so I’m monitored by both and OB and a cardiologist more often than any normal person with a normal pregnancy. I’m always labeled as high risk which in turn makes me feel like I can’t even breathe during pregnancy or something MIGHT go wrong.
So why in the world am I upset that my husband has taken this step and worked towards helping me out so we can get back to enjoying sex? I can’t honestly say. I always told my husband that I would not be the one to get “fixed”. It was too invasive of a surgery and we couldn’t afford for me to take off work as I don’t get paid vacations so it was just not ideal for me to have to be down from work any more than needed. So ultimately, some might say it was my idea to have him get the vasectomy. When he finally called me to tell me he had set up the appointment, I cried. He was signing my fate: I would never again deliver a child of my own. Perhaps my upset comes from the fact that I’m being told I can’t have more kids. My OB and cardiologist have both told me it would be extremely unhealthy for me to have another pregnancy and I’ve been lucky that my children have not suffered from my conditions. My husband has told me he is finished having children. Why can’t I just take no for the answer? Perhaps it’s partly in fact that although I don’t have enjoyable pregnancies, there are things that are still enjoyable.
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I’ve spoken with a handful of my mom friends and some of them are jumping with joy when their husband goes through that, however, there are a few who are on my side of the fence. There is that slight bit of doubt about ‘being done having kids’ which makes this whole process nerve wracking and not fulfilling. Perhaps down the road in a year or two when my daughter is entering her lovely stage of terrible twos I’ll actually look back and be thankful. There will always be a twinge of jealousy for friends as they have children or find out they’re pregnant. I don’t know if I’ll ever be 100% with the concept, but as they say, it’s too late now.
There was no point to this blog, just more or less moral support for anyone who feels they are going through the same situation. This ultimately came down to I knew this was the right end to our situation and after all, I didn’t have to go on birth control or have a procedure done to me. In most eyes, this was a win win for me, no more scary pregnancies and I “got” everything I wanted. I’ve come to terms that it’s okay to not be jumping up and down with joy over this but I rest in the fact that this is what my husband wanted (for us and for ME and my health). If you find yourself in my situation I encourage you to talk about it. I have a great mommy circle of friends who have really talked me through all the emotions I’ve been feeling along with this. Above all, talk to your spouse. Let them know that although you are supportive of the choice, you’re feeling indifference about the whole thing. Above all remember one thing: It’s OKAY to not be 100% okay with the choice, even if you know it’s the right thing to do!